diff --git a/test/lib/turnip.js b/test/lib/turnip.js
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..09ed50c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/test/lib/turnip.js
@@ -0,0 +1,131 @@
+// Copyright (c) 2015 Uber Technologies, Inc.
+//
+// Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a copy
+// of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), to deal
+// in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the rights
+// to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, and/or sell
+// copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom the Software is
+// furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions:
+//
+// The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in
+// all copies or substantial portions of the Software.
+//
+// THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR
+// IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY,
+// FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. IN NO EVENT SHALL THE
+// AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, DAMAGES OR OTHER
+// LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM,
+// OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN
+// THE SOFTWARE.
+
+'use strict';
+
+var collectParallel = require('collect-parallel/array');
+var net = require('net');
+
+// A Turnip is a dirt-stupid TCP server that notes and closes all incoming
+// connections.
+
+module.exports.Turnips = Turnips;
+module.exports.Turnip = Turnip;
+
+function Turnips() {
+    this.turnips = [];
+}
+
+Turnips.forAll =
+function forAll(things, getPortHost, allReady) {
+    var turnips = new Turnips();
+    collectParallel(things, function createEachTurnip(thing, i, ready) {
+        var portHost = getPortHost;
+        turnips.turnips[i] = new Turnip(portHost[0], portHost[1], ready);
+    }, allReady);
+    return turnips;
+};
+
+Turnips.prototype.destroy =
+function destroy(cb) {
+    collectParallel(this.turnips, function destroyEach(turnip, i, done) {
+        turnip.destroy(done);
+    }, cb);
+};
+
+Turnips.prototype.takeConnLogs =
+function takeConnLogs() {
+    var logs = [];
+    for (var i = 0; i < this.turnips.length; ++i) {
+        logs[i] = this.turnips[i].takeConnLog();
+    }
+    return logs;
+};
+
+function Turnip(port, host, onListening) {
+    this.server = net.createServer(boundOnConnection);
+    this.connLog = [];
+    this.server.listen(port, host, onListening);
+    this.port = port;
+    this.host = host;
+    this.hostPort = host + ':' + port;
+
+    var self = this;
+
+    function boundOnConnection(socket) {
+        self.onConnection(socket);
+    }
+}
+
+Turnip.prototype.destroy =
+function destroy(cb) {
+    this.server.close(cb);
+};
+
+Turnip.prototype.takeConnLog =
+function takeConnLog() {
+    var log = this.connLog;
+    this.connLog = [];
+    return log;
+};
+
+Turnip.prototype.onConnection =
+function onConnection(socket) {
+    this.connLog.push({
+        remoteAddress: socket.remoteAddress,
+        remotePort: socket.remotePort
+    });
+    socket.end();
+};
+
+if (require.main === module) {
+    var process = require('process');
+    var util = require('util');
+    main(process.argv.slice(2), process.stdout);
+}
+
+function main(args, logs) {
+    /* eslint-disable no-console */
+    var port = parseInt(args[0], 10) || 0;
+    var host = args[1];
+    var turnip = new Turnip(port, host, turnipListening);
+    process.on('SIGINT', onSigInt);
+
+    function turnipListening() {
+        var addr = turnip.server.address();
+        log('turnip on %j', addr);
+    }
+
+    function onSigInt() {
+        log('destroying turnip');
+        turnip.destroy(finish);
+    }
+
+    function finish() {
+        log('turnip conn log:', turnip.takeConnLog());
+    }
+
+    function log() {
+        var time = (new Date()).toISOString();
+        var mess = util.format.apply(null, arguments);
+        mess = util.format('%s %s\n', time, mess);
+        logs.write(mess);
+    }
+}
diff --git a/test/peer-churn.js b/test/peer-churn.js
index d22aa02..1066651 100644
--- a/test/peer-churn.js
+++ b/test/peer-churn.js
@@ -22,22 +22,24 @@
 
 var collectParallel = require('collect-parallel/array');
 var CountedReadySignal = require('ready-signal/counted');
-var net = require('net');
 var timers = require('timers');
 var util = require('util');
 
+var Turnips = require('./lib/turnip').Turnips;
 var allocCluster = require('./lib/test-cluster.js');
 var CollapsedAssert = require('./lib/collapsed-assert.js');
 
 /* eslint-disable no-multi-spaces */
-var PERIOD           = 100;
-var REQUEST_TIMEOUT  = 200;
-var REQUEST_FACTOR   = 1;
-var COOL_OFF_PERIODS = 10;
-var CLUSTER_SIZE     = 10;
-var CHURN_FACTOR     = 0.5;
-var K_VALUE          = 5;
-var SERVICE_SIZE     = 10;
+var PERIOD              = 100;
+var REQUEST_TIMEOUT     = 2 * PERIOD;
+var REQUEST_FACTOR      = 1;
+var SETTLE_PERIODS      = 10;
+var CLUSTER_SIZE        = 10;
+var CHURN_FACTOR        = 0.5;
+var K_VALUE             = 5;
+var SERVICE_SIZE        = 10;
+var ENDPOINT_DELAY      = 0.5 * PERIOD;
+var ENDPOINT_DELAY_FUZZ = 0.50;
 
 function fuzzedPeriods(N) {
     return 1.05 * N * PERIOD;
@@ -166,7 +168,7 @@ allocCluster.test('peer churn', {
             ].indexOf(record.msg) >= 0, 'expected reaping logs');
         });
 
-        timers.setTimeout(thenTurnip, fuzzedPeriods(COOL_OFF_PERIODS));
+        timers.setTimeout(thenTurnip, fuzzedPeriods(SETTLE_PERIODS));
     }
 
     function thenTurnip() {
@@ -186,7 +188,12 @@ allocCluster.test('peer churn', {
             ].indexOf(record.msg) >= 0, 'expected peer churn logs');
         });
 
-        turnips = createTurnips(first, thenWaitAndSee);
+        turnips = Turnips.forAll(first, function getRemotePortHost(remote) {
+            var parts = remote.channel.hostPort.split(':');
+            var host = parts[0];
+            var port = parseInt(parts[1], 10);
+            return [port, host];
+        }, thenWaitAndSee);
     }
 
     function thenWaitAndSee() {
@@ -194,20 +201,24 @@ allocCluster.test('peer churn', {
 
         checkNoLogs('turnip', cluster, assert);
 
-        timers.setTimeout(function tendTurnips() {
-            checkNoLogs('turnip tending', cluster, assert);
-            checkTurnips();
-            sendAfterChurn();
-        }, fuzzedPeriods(COOL_OFF_PERIODS));
+        timers.setTimeout(thenTendAndSend, fuzzedPeriods(SETTLE_PERIODS));
+    }
+
+    function thenTendAndSend() {
+        assert.comment('- thenTendAndSend');
+        checkNoLogs('turnip tending', cluster, assert);
+        checkTurnips();
+        sendAfterChurn();
     }
 
     function checkTurnips() {
         var logs = turnips.takeConnLogs();
         for (var i = 0; i < logs.length; ++i) {
             var log = logs[i];
+            var turnip = turnips.turnips[i];
             assert.equal(log.length, 0, util.format(
                 'expected no connections to turnip[%s] (%s)',
-                i, turnips[i].remote.channel.hostPort
+                i, turnip.hostPort
             ));
         }
     }
@@ -234,7 +245,7 @@ allocCluster.test('peer churn', {
 
         checkTurnips();
 
-        destroyAll(second.concat(turnips).concat([client]), finish);
+        destroyAll(second.concat([turnips, client]), finish);
     }
 
     function finish() {
@@ -276,8 +287,13 @@ function createRemotes(cluster, N, opts, cb) {
 }
 
 function who(req, res) {
-    res.headers.as = 'raw';
-    res.sendOk('', req.channel.hostPort);
+    var delay = ENDPOINT_DELAY + 1 + (0.5 - Math.random()) * ENDPOINT_DELAY_FUZZ;
+    timers.setTimeout(thenRespond, delay);
+
+    function thenRespond() {
+        res.headers.as = 'raw';
+        res.sendOk(delay.toString(), req.channel.hostPort);
+    }
 }
 
 function checkExitsTo(cluster, serviceName, cohort, desc, assert) {
@@ -299,7 +315,7 @@ function checkRequestsTo(serviceName, cohort, desc, chan, assert, cb) {
         serviceName: serviceName,
         timeout: REQUEST_TIMEOUT
     }, 'who', '', '', function sent(err, res, arg2, arg3) {
-        cassert.ifError(err, 'no unexpected error');
+        cassert.ifError(err, 'no unexpected check request error');
         var serverHostPort = String(arg3);
         cassert.ok(cohort.some(function isit(remote) {
             return remote.hostPort === serverHostPort;
@@ -370,58 +386,3 @@ function checkNoLogs(desc, cluster, assert) {
         }
     }
 }
-
-// creates dirst-stupid fixture tcp servers in place of each destroyed remote
-function createTurnips(remotes, cb) {
-    var turnips = [];
-    turnips.takeConnLogs = takeConnLogs;
-    collectParallel(remotes, createEachTurnip, cb);
-    return turnips;
-
-    function takeConnLogs() {
-        var logs = [];
-        for (var i = 0; i < turnips.length; ++i) {
-            logs[i] = turnips[i].takeConnLog();
-        }
-        return logs;
-    }
-
-    function createEachTurnip(remote, i, done) {
-        turnips[i] = createTurnip(remote, done);
-    }
-}
-
-function createTurnip(remote, cb) {
-    var turnip = {
-        remote: remote,
-        server: net.createServer(onConnection),
-        connLog: [],
-        destroy: destroy,
-        takeConnLog: takeConnLog
-    };
-
-    var parts = remote.channel.hostPort.split(':');
-    var host = parts[0];
-    var port = parseInt(parts[1], 10);
-    turnip.server.listen(port, host, cb);
-
-    return turnip;
-
-    function takeConnLog() {
-        var log = turnip.connLog;
-        turnip.connLog = [];
-        return log;
-    }
-
-    function destroy(destroyCb) {
-        turnip.server.close(destroyCb);
-    }
-
-    function onConnection(socket) {
-        turnip.connLog.push({
-            remoteAddress: socket.remoteAddress,
-            remotePort: socket.remotePort
-        });
-        socket.end();
-    }
-}